Robert Frost wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors.” Knowing where boundary lines are is important. I have to set boundaries in my writing life or I would never accomplish anything.
When I had young children I would mark out time on my calendar for writing. It was easy to say no to requests to do other things, even other important things, when I had a boundary in place.
Life is full of good opportunities, but what about the best opportunities. We have to decide on our boundaries before someone else decides for us.
“What are you doing tomorrow morning?” someone asks. You planned to write, so why do you say,“Nothing”? Then your time is filled with the plans of others.
Jesus is a great role model for setting boundaries. He set boundaries with the Pharisees and with his family when they tried to stop his ministry. He drew a line with the money changers at the temple and with Peter when Peter tried to keep him from the cross.
Protect what is important. Set your boundaries.
Bottom line: setting boundaries requires being able to say “no”.
Can you say “No”?
Laurie and Betsy (Samson and Venus)
“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?” Nehemiah 6:3
A lovely woman at our former church taught me to say “No” and not feel guilty about it, even though she didn’t mean to. I was teaching high school, so she wanted me to run the youth group. I love kids but talk about a busman’s holiday!! I realized that just because she wanted me to do it, even if she thought I’d be great at it, I didn’t have to do it, so I just said no. I did most other jobs at the church, but they were jobs I wanted to do and that made all the difference.
Good point. I learned a lesson about saying no from an older woman at my church. I was going to accept a job that I didn’t really want and she pointed out that I was depriving someone else of the opportunity – someone that was called to the work and would enjoy the job!
P.S. Didn’t Robert Frost say this in poem: http://writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/frost-mending.html? Maybe Mark Twain said it as well, but this is the attribution I’ve always heard.
Thanks Janet. I have heard it attributed to Twain but clearly, Mending Wall is the source! Will fix.
Janet, you are so right. Thanks for the correction. And thanks for the story about saying “no”. Often if we say “yes” when we should say “no” we rob someone else of the blessing of that endeavor.
I’m finding that sometimes the boundaries have to be flexible, to allow for the Holy Spirit’s interruption. Sometimes we get a bit too possessive of our time, schedules–it’s easy to justify the importance of our projects, but are they more important than the needs of people? This is an interesting “new place” I’ve come to in life. God bless you, Sisters! love, sis Caddo
I am much better now than when I was young at setting boundaries. Though as I write this, sitting in my chair-and-a-half in my office, my dog Beau is napping beside me. My schedule revolves around when he and his brothers need to be feed, a pee break or a nap.
SSmiles,
Linda Joyce
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Love your blog! It’s so inspiring to me!
(But read the poem–or you can listen to Frost online read his own poem: good fences don’t change our neighbors is his message.)
just listened to Frost’s reading – wonderful. Thanks for that suggestion.